The 4 things I did to help my one-year old sleep better

 

I recently published a post on how my one-year old’s frequent night waking’s were affecting me. I was exhausted, frustrated and desperate.

Full disclosure – the bulk of that post was actually written over a year ago. My son is just over two now and although he is still not sleeping through the night – things are much better. 

All being well, he generally wakes up 2-3 times a night (as opposed to several) and earlier this week he slept for his first 5-hour stretch! Whoop, whoop! A MASSIVE deal for us. 

I know, I know – a 2-year old still not sleeping through? What’s to celebrate? But, as I mentioned last week, I’m not expecting him to sleep through. I wanted the amount of night wakings to reduce and bed times to get a little (ok, MUCH) easier. And they have. 

So how did things get better?

Looking back on it I don’t think I implemented a considered plan into action. I got advice from friends, family and in my desperation, I did pay for an email consultation with a gentle sleep solution consultant.  

I didn’t do everything I was told and I didn’t do everything at once. I was too overwhelmed and fearful that too much change might make the situation worse. 

So, I decided to balance benefits against perceived risks for each suggestion and also factored in how hard something might be on me to deal with at the time. 

For example, the sleep consultant recommended that I night wean, but I didn’t feel ready to and so postponed it until later. 

Here are some of the things that, in my opinion, helped us get to where we are now.

1. Phased his morning nap out

This made the biggest difference for us. I didn’t realise it at the time, but my son was probably ready to drop one nap before his first birthday. 

Unbeknownst to me, he was giving me signs that he was ready to do this. Resisting sleep at bed times and getting up and staying awake during the night are classic signs of too much daytime sleep. But my sleep deprived brain didn’t make the connection. 

It was the sleep consultant who pointed it out to me and urged me drop one nap ASAP. She warned me that it would be tough (for both of us) but to persevere as it would mean easier bedtimes and more sleep at night. 

Brilliant, that’s what I wanted. So, I decided to give it a shot.

And it really did help. 

I think it took us a few weeks (maybe a month) to drop one nap completely. At the end of that time we naturally settled at a 2-hour nap from 11.30am-1.30pm and an 8.15pm bedtime. 

As well as being able to plan around more predictable timings, to my relief he stopped the whole getting up and staying awake for a couple of hours at night. He would still wake for a feed at night but he would never really rouse into full consciousness. 

Bedtimes also became easier because he was tired enough that he was more ready and willing to sleep. No more fighting sleep, whereas before he would do just that. Push against my forearms with his tiny legs so hard that I would discover bruises there the next morning. I used to spend two hours getting him to go to sleep, whereas after his morning nap went, he was able to nod off in 20-30 minutes at bed time. 

So, how did I get him to drop a nap? 

I didn’t actually get any advice on this from the sleep consultant, in terms of the practical steps to take. What I ended up doing was pushing his morning nap, further and further back and keeping him awake in the afternoons. 

He usually napped at around 9.30am-10am and then again at 3pm. Both naps were less than an hour each. So, the first day I tried to see how long he could go without a nap in the morning and I think we got  to 10.30am. We lingered there for a few days then we tried to go back another 30 minutes to 11am and then 11.30am. 

He could not really make it any later than that without getting quite upset, so we naturally settled at 11.30am as his naptime. It’s only in the last few months, he has started staying awake later than noon. (maybe he is ready to drop a nap again? Noooooo!)

I would let him sleep for as long as he wanted. It was usually an hour or an hour and a half. Then I would keep him awake in the afternoon.

This was tough because not only was he cranky - we couldn’t go out anywhere. Trips in the car and buggy would send him off to sleep so we were effectively homebound in the afternoons until he properly dropped one nap. 

I definitely used screen time to keep him awake in the afternoon. I also tried some fun activities with him at home that we hadn’t done before like playdough and sifting flour with rice in it. I put together a little sensory box of household bits in it that I was happy for him to handle and this bought me a bit of time in the afternoon. 

2. Gave a bedtime snack

I can’t exactly remember what I was doing food wise in the hour leading up to bed, but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t giving him a snack. I think we were having a late-ish dinner and then upstairs for his bath. 

My cousin suggested making dinner a bit earlier and giving him something like porridge just before taking him up for the night. She said it would help line his stomach and ensure he wouldn’t be getting up at night due to hunger. 

Turns out there is some science behind having oats before bed. They are high in an amino acid called Tryptophan which helps boost melatonin levels in the body. Melatonin is the hormone which helps induce sleep. 

Other foods that are high in Tryptophan include wholemeal toast, bananas and milk. Bananas are also high in potassium and magnesium which are natural muscle relaxants. Always a good state to be in before bed. 

I started giving him dinner at 5pm and then offered him a bedtime snack at 7pm. By leaving a bit of a gap between the two, he usually was hungry enough to eat it. And it was close enough to his bedtime to act as a little top up before he went to sleep. 

As he’s gotten older, he’s gotten a bit bored of porridge every evening (I don’t blame him), so I have tried to rotate between other tryptophan high options like wholemeal toast and almond butter or a banana blended in milk. 

3. Established a consistent wind down routine

 

 

Doing certain relaxing activities before bedtime can help relax your baby and create ‘sleep cues’ for them. Well that’s the idea anyway. 

That they associate whatever cues you create for them, whether that’s specific activities (bath, story, massage), scents (aromatherapy oils in bath water and in room), noises (white noise, alpha music), lighting (night light, no light), with going to sleep. 

As you can see from the suggestions above, you can go all out with this. You can create a complete sensory, spa like experience for your baby to help them drift off into the land of nod. 

I personally prefer the stripped back approach. I’ve never been one for complicated routines. I admire people who can commit to them but I find it all a bit of a faff and too stressful. And if I haven’t mentioned it already, I was feeling VERY tired. I just didn’t have the mental energy for it. It didn’t stop me from giving it a go, but I found I couldn’t keep up with it.

And if there’s one thing I have learnt with this is that consistency is more important than the actual things you are doing. 

This is our wind down routine for the evening:

7.30 pm - Bath & brush teeth

7.40 pm - Into room with night light on

7.45 pm - Massage (I did this since he was a baby but I can’t remember when this stopped being relaxing for him. He just kept wriggling away, so I don’t do this now. Just moisturise him. 

7.50 pm - Change into pyjamas and story

7.55 pm - Get ‘cosy, cosy’ (my son’s words not mine) and feed with alpha music on (which stays on all night)

8.15 pm – Asleep (hopefully – not always).

4. Night weaning

As I mentioned earlier, this was suggested to me as an option when he was around the year mark. But I felt quite intimidated to try it. I knew there would be tears. I knew I would cave and I didn’t think I would be able to handle that alongside phasing his nap out. So, I opted to drop the nap first and tackle the night weaning later. 

Cue teething, various bouts of illness, unexpected trips away and it just got delayed and delayed. I actually felt quite ready to tackle it at the beginning of this year. But it didn’t seem fair to take away a source of comfort for him when he needed it the most. 

It was only when things started to settle down and after a period of relative uneventfulness, that I decided to bite the bullet and do it.

There’s really not that much useful information out there on how to stop breastfeeding a toddler. Well, if there is, I couldn’t find it. So, I wasn’t sure how to approach it. 

I was given some advice on night weaning by the sleep consultant but it was tedious and I knew would be disruptive for others in the house. 

The solution in Elizabeth Pantley’s book (removing them from the nipple before the baby fully falls asleep), too seemed like it would cause a lot of upset. More so with a toddler than a younger baby. 

So, I actually tried talking to my son about it. He’s a bit older, talking more and understanding more, so I tried to explain it to him. 

For a few days before, I used to say we only have ‘doo-doo’ (his word for milk), when it’s light. At night time it’s just cuddles and water. I didn’t think he got it. But I kept at it. I believed in what I was saying. I didn’t feel like I was lying to him.

So, D-day finally arrived. I breastfed him to sleep as normal. The first time he woke up in the night I reiterated the ‘cuddles and water’ line. He cried. He asked for ‘doo doo’ a few more times but finally accepted that he can only have cuddles or some water and let me rock him to sleep. 

This went on for a couple of nights, but I think by the third night he settled as soon as I picked him up and cuddled him. He even says, ‘It’s dark’ now when the lights go out and the night light comes on, so I’m hoping something has clicked for him. Or maybe he thinks my cuddles just aren’t worth getting up as much for!

Even though he’s still not sleeping through, I feel fairly positive about where we are at the sleep front right now. Going from several wakings a night to 2-3 and even sleeping for a block is progress to me. 

If you had asked me how I was feeling about the sleep situation now and I hadn’t read those notes from last year, I would have probably said things were just as bad today (maybe even worse), than they were a year ago. 

Hindsight is a funny old thing, isn’t it? I forgot key details which, when left out, distorted my memories of that time. I had forgotten I had developed tendonitis in my right hand from picking him up from his cot several times a night. I had forgotten the bruising on my arms after he had kicked his way to sleep. 

I had completely forgotten the intensity of emotion I felt last year. I don’t think I realised at the time how desperate and lonely I was and reading back those notes really brought it home to me how sad and stuck I felt. Trapped in a situation I had no idea how to make better. 

I was so overwhelmed I didn’t know where to start. There is sooo much information on the internet and a plethora of sleep consultants and baby experts with advice to share. It’s almost too much.

I wished there was someone to break it all down for me or give me one thing to do that would make it better. 

Even though there wasn’t one all-encompassing solution for me, I felt by tackling one thing at a time and being consistent, the situation got better.  

I hope it does for you too. x