Why is setting goals so hard?

I recently had to think of a SMART goal to set for myself as homework for a wellbeing workshop I have been attending. We could focus on any aspect of our life that we wanted, but we were encouraged to develop goals that were:

·       S pecific

·       M easurable

·       A chievable

·       R ealistic

·       T ime specific

When the facilitator mentioned the homework, I felt my throat and chest tightening. “I won’t be able to do that”, I thought. “I can never think of the ‘right’ thing to choose”. 

I have had to set SMART goals in the past for performance reviews at work. It is always, by far, the hardest part of the process for me.  

As the week went on, I struggled with completing the homework.

I flitted between which area of my life, the SMART goal should relate to – diet, exercise, sleep, relationships, career.

Which one was the most important? Which would have the biggest pay-off? Which one would make me the happiest, fastest?

I really wanted my SMART goal to be ‘the one’.

The one thing I could do to make me feel instantly better. Fix all my problems. Or at the very least set in motion a chain of events that would ultimately lead to a serene, focused and productive state of mind. 

Not asking for much am I?

I mentally brainstormed and rejected countless potential goals because they weren’t ‘big enough’. How would going to sleep at the same time every night and making my bed every morning, make me feel happy again?

So, what was the effect of this thought process on me? The week went past and I turned up at the next session with no SMART goal.

Luckily for me. it’s not that kind of workshop, where you are picked on or forced to contribute if you don’t want to. But I felt disappointed in myself.

 I wanted something to work towards. I eagerly sought a renewed sense of focus. Because if I wasn’t moving forward, what was I doing?

After the session, I felt rudderless. Dejected.  

“Nothing’s going to change”, I thought despondently to myself. “I’m stuck. I can’t even decide on one area of my life to work on. There’s just too much to change”. 

Why was even deciding on a SMART goal so hard, let alone putting one into action?

Then something clicked.

By placing so much importance on that one thing - the thing to change all things, I had fallen at the first hurdle. In fact, I hadn’t even made it off the starting block. 

My search for instant gratification and immediate success had left me stuck in a state of inactivity which was/is keeping me feeling low.

I needed to stop worrying about the perfect place to begin and just start!

I thought of all the things I wanted to do differently. I tried not to worry about whether my ‘list’ was exhaustive or not. 

To be honest, I thought I had picked randomly on an area to work on, but reflecting on it, I guess I picked an area that I have the most control over right now – what I eat and drink.

I visualised my overarching goal. To establish healthy eating habits and ultimately lose weight.

 I mentally brainstormed all the things I could think of that would help me get there. Things like eating less sugary and fatty foods, exercising regularly, staying hydrated etc.

I picked the easiest thing on that list and promised myself I would try not to change anything else. I would focus on doing this one, tiny thing.

For me it was drinking more water. Specifically, I will try and fill up my reusable glass bottle (that I already have) three times every day with regular tap water and try and drink it during the course of the day. And I’ll give myself a month to do it.

That’s my goal for now. Because something is better than nothing.

I’m not saying I’ve got this goal setting thing down to a fine art by any stretch of the imagination. It’s something I have struggled with for a long time and will most probably continue to struggle with for a while. 

I don’t think you can just switch off such an ingrained way of thinking. It needs to be unlearned and that takes time.

One thing I have begun to realise is that there is no ‘right goal for right now’. Thinking that way – that I have to find that ‘one thing’ – has not been working for me so far. It has paralysed me from making any kind of positive change. Even a tiny, seemingly insignificant one. 

Another thing I know I need to accept is that I have to be patient. I have to accept that it’s going to be at a snail’s pace but hopefully I will get to my goal.  

Good things come to those who wait. Right?